25 Apr Dating Fatigue
You’ve finally healed after a painful breakup. You’re on the other side of the nightmare and ready to date again. You finally feel emotionally prepared and almost excited that perhaps “Mr. Right” really does exist.
To prepare to re-enter the dating scene, you decide it’s time to go on a strict diet and lose those extra pounds. You’re determined to hit the gym at least 3 times a week.
You start going out on the weekends to meet friends in hopes of randomly bumping into your new love interest.
Finally, you know that majority of 40 to 65 year old singles are on internet dating platforms. So you figure, why not join the majority and subscribe to a few online dating apps? You invest in some trendy new attire and take some new photos for your profile.
In the swing of this new adventure, life has a new vibe. There’s an excitement building. Plus, the gym visits and healthy diet are starting to pay off! You actually like what you see in the mirror.
A few weeks go by, then a couple of months. Fast forward 6 months and you are left feeling discouraged, disrespected, and depressed. Mr. Right does NOT exist after all. The only guys out there are not really interested in a long-term relationship, and the ones you are actually attracted to never seem to have the same fascination with you! Going out with friends to sit in a lounge hoping to meet someone went from exhilarating—to downright humiliating. And worst of all, every interaction you have on the dating apps seems to get scarier and scarier. It’s become overwhelming and time consuming, and all the same interview-like conversations and lackluster matches make you feel more and more disheartened.
So where do you go from here? Give up? Decide that all men are scoundrels? Perhaps you just settle on the idea that there must be something wrong with you.
But, WAIT…what if you were asking the wrong question the entire time?
What if the right question is simply this: “What does my best self-journey look like? What does my DREAM life look like?”
Spoiler alert: if your only answer is that you want to meet Mr. Right, you are setting yourself up for failure. No man is meant to be your savior. Even a “perfect” spouse cannot be your single source of happiness. He should be an additional “ingredient” to add flavor and depth to your already fabulous life. If he is your only source of joy, the relationship will be under constant strain. He will inevitably tire of that responsibility, and over time, you will be less captivating in his eyes.
Let me explain!
YOU are the only one who can make YOU happy. Your mindset is your fuel for a fulfilling, abundant life.
The first step is awareness. Identifying what an EXTRAORDINARY life is to you. What are you most passionate about? Once you discovery what your purpose, passions, and deepest desires are, you must build an achievable action plan to run after your dream life.
That is when life becomes FUN.
You may need to hire a qualified Coach to help you disassemble the system of limiting beliefs you have that are hindering you. But you must first believe you were made for a purpose and built to leave a beautiful legacy.
Once you are living out your most passionate life, your mindset shifts from “I need a man” to “I love my life!” THEN you’ll attract the quality and caliber of man you desire. You’ll speak differently, act differently, carry yourself differently. Suddenly, all the SAME things you were doing—going to the gym, subscribing to a few dating apps, girls nights out—are garnering different results. Because YOU are showing up with a different mindset. The kind that will lead you to your soulmate.
Here’s a short exercise.
Before you consider entering into a relationship, you must identify your core values, your life’s purpose, and the nonnegotiable attributes you desire in a future partner. Once these have been clarified, you will glimmer with confidence and passion. You’ll begin to attract like-minded people into your life. You’ll find deeper connections when you share alignment, creating stronger, long-lasting relationships.
The conclusion is to be in constant evolution of growth and self-development.
Here is a litmus test. KNOW THYSELF!
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being EXTRAORDINARY) how would you score the following areas of your life?
- Self development – living your passion – living with fulfillment
- Spiritual life
- Health & Wellness
- Contribution to the world
Identify 3 to 5 of your own Core Values (your guiding principles):
- Examples: Faith, Health & Wellness, Adventure, etc.
What are 5 non-negotiable attributes in the man or relationship you desire (be sure to focus on the word “nonnegotiable”):
- Examples: Sense of humor, Leadership skills, Generosity, etc.
Make a commitment to yourself to actively pursue and build a life of abundance—separate from a relationship! I guarantee that when your eyes are focused on creating a beautiful life, a beautiful partner will show up.
If you are curious or want to begin your journey towards your best self, schedule a FREE 15 min call at calendly.com/gemrevealed. We want to walk your journey with you!