So let’s say there’s a female who has an obvious attraction to you. She is dropping hints and showing signs that she thinks you are a hottie. And you feel the same vibe in return! Let’s look into the crystal ball and see what some of the possible thoughts are running through her mind.  

Common thoughts women have in The Attraction Phase:

• “He’s handsome! I wonder if he thinks I am attractive.”
• “I wonder if he’s got a girlfriend/wife.”
• “Is he a player?”
• “What is he like? His values, his interests, etc.”
• “What faith is he?”
• “Is he shy when it comes to dating?”
• “Should I approach him? It’s 2021, a girl can approach a guy, right?”
• “Will he think I’m too aggressive if I ask him out?”
• “Should I friend request him?”

Men: Remember some of the attributes that women want from a male.  (Love, adoration, connection, trust, leadership, honesty, etc.)

Now review the possible thoughts that run through her mind. How can you navigate The Attraction Phase more successfully, knowing her potential “mind chatter,” as outlined above? 

First: Take initiative. Be bold. If you are interested, let her know. This doesn’t imply a commitment—just let her know you are interested in learning more.   

Next, take the time to get to know her. Don’t rely on social media or other’s opinions. Pick up the phone and call her. Consider the thoughts she may be having as I’ve outlined them above, and create intentional dialogue using those bullets as some conversational framework. 

When on the phone, have fun describing your values and beliefs. Talk about the things that truly interest you. It shouldn’t feel like an interview, but an easy, enjoyable conversation. In return, discover her interests and values. What are the things that bring her joy?  If applicable, let her know in a lighthearted way that you find her attractive. Show signs of adoration and be genuine and complementary.

Men: wear your integrity like a badge of honor. If you are only looking for a friend—let her know right now! If you are interested in finding Ms. Right—let her know. The more honesty that is understood from the beginning, the less “crazy” shows up in the end.   

If you decide to take a step and ask her out, have a well thought-out plan. Show her that you took the initiative to create a fun day or evening out. Put some thought into it. 

Remember: women love a man who can lead, but also be flexible. 

Now, for my female friends: the attraction phase is so fun and flirty, but can easily be blown up by going too fast or if you feel the need to take control.  If you are letting him know you are interested but he is NOT responding—let it go. I also strongly encourage you NOT to reach out to him, friend request, or do any other expedient action to take the game of pursuit away from him. Keep in mind that for most men, it is intrinsic to be the pursuer. They want to feel like the leader and the hunter. And a man will generally make the move if he is interested. Let him lead! 

Stay tuned for Day 3…