DAY 3: The First Date

So, the attraction phase went well! You are now preparing for the first date. How can you best prepare? Take a look…

Common thoughts women have leading up to a first date: 

• “What should I wear?”
• “Will he find me attractive?”
• “Will he think I’m intelligent?”
• “Will he pay or should I offer to split the bill?”
• “Is he seeing other women?”
• “Will I see him again?”
• “Is he only looking for sex, or playing games?”

Gentlemen: knowing ahead of time that these are just some of the thoughts running through her mind, take initiative to set expectations and do your best to offer up as much information as possible to alleviate any unnecessary mind-chatter. Let her know where you are heading and the potential dress code. If you are going to pay for the evening, mention that up front. Say something cute, like you can’t wait to treat her like a queen on your upcoming night out. Or, conversely, if you prefer to split the financials for the night, let her know up front by asking her where she might want to go so you can both decide the price range for the evening. If you don’t set the expectation, she will be wondering all evening. Be a man—lead well and cast vision.

Just as outlined in the attraction phase, maintain a curious mindset throughout the date. Have intentional dialogue about core values and interests.  These conversations are vital in the beginning in order to understand if you truly are a match, beyond physical attraction. Most people don’t spend enough time in this phase, jumping right to physical connection and adding in an intimate component which will fracture the chances of creating a healthy relationship. 

Disclaimer: This is where “CRAZY” can set in.   

Men: spend time getting to know the person in front of you. She wants love and connection. She wants to feel safe and secure. Do not allow any physical connection until you are certain you have a strong EMOTIONAL connection.  

Women: you have JUST as much responsibility here as the male. I am just pointing out why so many men believe women become “crazy.” 

Men and women respond differently to intimacy. Men can compartmentalize the event and move on much easier. But women desire oneness—a bond! 

So men, if you want a healthy relationship—set expectations in a clear way. And leave out intimacy until the relationship has matured. True intimacy is best saved for marriage. That’s how God designed it—on purpose, and for marriage. If you can’t even fathom that thought, I suggest trying to understand the principles within the ideology. Take the time to get to know her—you’ll minimize the “crazy” and set the pace for a long-lasting partnership.

Women: this is a critical area for you to maintain your level of confidence and self-control. Statics show that intimacy can crack the foundation. Resist the temptation until the relationship has matured and there is a commitment. If he leaves you based on this alone—he wasn’t the right person to begin with. Stand firm! Get to know him, and save intimacy for the right time.

In summary: Men, share your expectation from a place of complete honesty and integrity. Spend a lot of time getting to know the women you are interested in, and don’t allow intimacy to invade your relationship before you have made a solid commitment. If you abide by this, your chances of creating a fun, long-lasting partnership is exponentially greater! 

Want to take a deeper look at eliminating the “crazy” and creating healthy relationships? Book your free consultation now at calendly.com/gemrevealed